The Timelessness of Time

I’m just thinking about the Timelessness of Time this week.

Isn’t it odd how an event that occurred years ago seems like it happened just a few months, or even weeks, ago? And yet, something that happened so recently feels like it’s been that way forever.

Moving

We have five weeks until our big move. South Florida to Northwest Wisconsin. It is so close, yet feels like such a long time away. Yet each week just flies by. Time is running out, and I’m not ready.

I moved away from Wisconsin twenty-one years ago in June. As far back in time that I can remember, Leaving Wisconsin has been my guiding star. I’ve lived in Florida for nineteen of those years away (two years in Birmingham, Alabama). It seems like it hasn’t been enough time away – I vowed never to return.

And yet, here I am just weeks away from returning. I am not ready to go back.I am not ready.

Change, It Does a Body Good

Myke (my husband) and I have both been told that the move “will do us good”. I am wondering, trying to understand – In what way?

We are moving to be near my family in one of the most poverty-stricken areas of the state. Which will help spread our income and savings out even greater.

We will we have an extended family system in close proximity, I also concede to that. I will need the extra support – physically and emotionally – while my husband is working. He hasn’t been able to hold a steady job since his own spine fusion surgery – and the ensuing opioid addiction and treatments, as well as my own back surgeries and partial recoveries – almost four years ago. He is now more than ready and willing to re-enter the world of work.

The Worst Four Years

Four years of some of the worst times of my life, and my husband’s as well. The pain, his and mine, physical, mental, emotional. It was a long, and often excruciating, four years that we both endured. Alone, and together.

It didn’t tear us apart, though. It came close – so very close. But that is a story for another day.

Duke

It will be great getting to know my youngest son again. I am sorry that we haven’t been very close through the years – the last time we lived together, he was still a teenager. He is on the verge of turning twenty-six years old. I’ve been able to see him maybe once every two years, on average. Phone conversations were sporadic, but more frequent the past couple of years.

My little Baby Kyle, the gentle and sensitive soul who just wants to be loved and understood. He has always been my Little Mamma when he thinks I need it. He is a very caring young man, and his “maternal instincts” shows through with his caring for me, as well as for his boyfriend and their little pet-children.

He will make a great parent one day.

My Siblings

It will be nice to get to know my brother and three sisters and their life partners, as well. Each one of us has focused on living our own lives with our growing families. But we always make a point to for all of us to get together whenever I travel up for a visit.

I will be able to spend some quality time with my niece and nephews, also. I can’t wait for them to call me “Favorite Aunt Lisa”. However, I think it’s going to take more than just a dollar to illicit that title, anymore. It’s ok, I will work on it – wholeheartedly.

Twenty-one years. Whew. I vowed never to return. I’m not ready.

My Momma

This time, though, will be different. I keep telling myself. I want to be closer to my mom as she is battling a second round of breast cancer, and experiencing her own back pain issues.

My mom has been my friend throughout the years. Always there to listen to me in good times and in bad. The only friend who survived the ages.

Pooter

Sadly, we are leaving behind my oldest son. He has been so busy forging his own way in the world – excelling at his career, making friends, and building relationships that will last him a lifetime. It seems there hasn’t been enough room for me, lately. That makes me the saddest of all. I miss him.

And I am so proud of him. He has grown into a responsible young man for himself – trudging through school, obtaining a full secondary education, and intensely building his skills at work, I hear through the grapevine. Fending for himself, now.

He may be quiet, but he has a big heart that shines through his eyes. Any girl would be LUCKY to catch him, and I hope she, herself, is a caring and loving soul, as he is.

Know this: I will find the girl who breaks his heart and will ensure she wholeheartedly regrets it for the rest of her life.

Little Ma and Little Pa

We are also leaving behind my mother-in-law and father-in-law, so visits with them will, obviously, not be as frequent. They have been visiting for Sunday dinners, almost always bringing a delicious meal to share. These visits will be missed for the food, but most importantly, for the time spent.

They have been so giving and caring, I can’t express how much I have appreciated their support and our time together. I love them with all of my heart, and we will miss them deeply – speaking for myself, my husband, and our ten-year-old puppy, Bella.

I really do hope the move does us good.

Sobriety (or, Our 50-Year Wedding Anniversary)

Myke has maintained his sobriety, and for that I am proud and grateful. He quietly celebrated nine months of sobriety on April 11th, 2018. We are both looking forward to celebrating that special One Year mark, and, eventually, all the years until there are none left.

I am hoping, wishing to celebrate our 50-year wedding anniversary together. Five-and-a-half years down, forty-four-and-a-half to go. All in due time, though. I don’t want to rush what we have now, and what we will grow into together for all of those years. We made it through some of the hardest times already, and we are much stronger for it.