My Grandmother’s Clock

I have longed desired to be a grandmother. My desire for grandchildren – anyone’s desire for grandchildren – is left in the hands of someone else. It isn’t fair!

Children

Many of the kids I went to school with (maybe 18 graduating students at my tiny K-12 school in 1989), have children. I have children.

I see photos of my “social-network friends'” kids and in-laws at a big gathering, a dinner, or just hanging out. Grandchildren are also usually present. Most people at my age (you can count backwards to my graduating year if you need a number) have grandchildren by now.

I don’t.

My kids

My youngest son is gay and he has a boyfriend. With or without being gay, there may be certain undercurrents to that relationship that would make it unwise for them to adopt at this point in their lives. Maybe one day, when they are more settled. But I am a realist mostly, and I am afraid that I won’t see grandchildren from that direction.

On the other hand, my oldest son is straight. (Minus One con.) He does not have a girlfriend and has not had many, even though he is the kind of young man that most young women, and even older women, want. He is too nice. Too much of a girl’s friend.

A Girl’s Best Friend

Both of my boys…they are sensitive to others’ need to be listened to. They both have a big heart, intelligence, kindness, common sense. Both are a very good-looking young men (My oldest – he thinks because he has gone bald at 20-years-old that he is not. But they are both very self-critical, like their mother).

The one constant is being a very good friend. For a straight male, I think it is the “very good friend” part that gets my oldest into trouble.

While women lament they want a man who holds doors and chairs for a lady, or who is a good listener, they really go after the bad boy who treats them like shit. I know that from personal experience. I didn’t grow up too long ago.

Missing Out

I would love to hold my own grandchild. Teach him or her how to spell and read, teach him/her how to bake or cook or garden or paint. A child to help his/her parents when I’m needed. I would freely babysit and help mold their child into a respectable young person. Watch them grow, go see their T-Ball games or take them shopping for cool clothes and fun gadgets.

I missed a lot of my boys’ years when I moved out of Wisconsin. During the divorce from their dad, I played quite fair while he ripped me to pieces. But that is not my point. That is what it is.

Needless to say, I missed my kids growing up. I cannot ever get that back, no matter what. I think I just want a chance to make up for that – to show that I can be a great role model and helper. I excel at a lot of things, and this task would be no exception.

I would put all of my passion into being the best grandmother that ever lived.

The Joys of GrandParenthood

I want to hold a baby that my own kids helped create or chose to be their parent to. I see other children and I think, what a great opportunity their own grandmother has. This is the best time of their life to be a part of a child’s life.

I, too, have much to offer a grandchild, I have the experience of life, and I would be cognizant of overstepping mother/”daughter”-in-law boundaries – I would try my very best, and both my my daughter- and/or son-in-laws would be proud to have me as their mother-in-law and a grandmother to their child.

I would always make sure they were well-fed. Maybe sneak in a treat before dinner, just to make sure they grow up with some meat on their bones and healthy. I would sew up any holes in their favorite toys or clothes.

They would get crocheted booties for christmas, like my own grandmother did for her 30-ish grandkids, along with something really FUN to play with. I would help support their wants and needs, their desires, their ambitions.

I would be a great grandmother, I think.

A New Generation of Values

My boys are now 26- and 27-years old. Their lives are filled with jobs and a social lifestyle that I am not familiar with, being the “homebody” and mostly traditional person that I have always been. Not growing up with Internet, or socializing digitally with many people from all over the world.

Maybe the time has come that our own children are closer to grandparent age before they start a family. Or maybe I’ve expressed the risks of having children out of wedlock too many times, and they listened…?

I do hold more traditional values, maybe because my role models – my mother and my own grandmothers – were housewives and caretakers, themselves. Marriage before children, dinner at 5 o’clock sharp with everyone at the table, daily chores… Maybe I want to try to perpetuate these values back into society, starting with my own family.