I was on opioids for over a year, constantly in more and more pain as my tolerance adjusted.
I was one of those patients who took it as prescribed, religiously. All my meds. Two forms of opioids, morphine, a change to another opioid. Nerve pain meds and muscle relaxers. CBD Oil, Kratum, marijuana.
I was at 140 milligrams of morphine a day, and I was expected to wean down to 60mg. Not a small amount, yet I knew of others on even higher amounts, scarier amounts of opioids.
I was suicidal. I was imminently suicidal. My new doctor up north (we moved) advised me I was going to have to meet a certain max level of opioid use. Scared, I was on the brink of ending my life. I could not LIVE without proper pain management. I could not live without opioids taking away my pain. A Lot Of Opioids, along with my peripheral pain meds, were the answer to the pain I was experiencing.
One day, after discussing with my husband and making up a chart on how best to wean down, I decided to just stop taking opioids on my own, cold turkey. I was going through withdrawals just weaning down to “the acceptable level” my doctors advised – my primary doctor, my new pain doctor, my new neurosurgeon and orthopedic doctors. Their clinic was not about throwing chronic opioids at chronic pain, and I, coming from the center of opioid alley (Florida), was no different.
Yes, I went through withdrawals. I thought it would never end, but I had already destroyed my pain meds. I gave myself no choice.
Let me tell you something straight from the horse’s mouth: my pain is not as intense as the opioids led me to believe. I am still in pain, and sometimes the pain sends me to bed. My pain now is manageable.
I am free from the intense agonistic cycle of pain, relief, pain, relief. I am in pain that is manageable with other medicines – most are legal in my state, one still not yet legal.
I am free from the cycle of opioids telling ME how much pain I should be able to handle. I am still in pain, but I am not in “opioid pain”. There is a difference.
Opioids. They will tell you that you can’t live without them. The withdrawals were bad, but there is an end always in sight.
Not long before I quit, a story on the news caught my attention. A woman, with the help of her husband, committed suicide because she was in too much pain even on opioids. I thought of myself and if my husband would help me take my own life. I told him, “that is going to be us one day”. He said hell no.
Please give it a chance.
Weaning slowly only makes the pain cycle worse and stretches out the withdrawals to months and months.
Please consider this advice: As soon as you can, take the leap off of opioids. Face the withdrawals ONCE and for all.
I was in horrific pain in my neck, down my arms to my hands. And my lower back where I herniated the heck out of a couple of discs straight down my numb left leg, Yet, I am in more manageable pain NOW than when I was ever on opioids.
Please give it a chance. I can’t say it enough. Take the chance to get off opioids as soon as you can. Take a week off from work or school, plan it around a lengthy break or vacation. Opioids are the ones that kill you with desperate thoughts of suicide. They are the ones telling you that you can’t live without them. But you can. Please believe me.
Just try. Try it once and feel your pain as it is, naturally. You can always go back on opioids if you need to, that’s what I told myself. I can get my next refill and end my pain again. If I needed to.
I didn’t. I am on a few non-narcotic meds now. I still experience pain, I still experience flare-ups. But not bad enough for me to ask for opioids, because I know opioids lie to me. And I bet they are lying to you, as well.
Just try. Once.
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