Good morning. I hope you are well.
For my smoker friends, have you tried quitting smoking? How many times? Are you nicotine-free today? How many days/weeks/months/years are in your personal victory of quitting smoking?
I’ve been a smoker since I was a teenager (I’m heading into my late 40’s, now). As a kid, I smoked my parents’ discarded butts, and eventually picked full cigarettes from them.
I bought cigarettes for my parents since I was 5. Our little small-town grocery store was just a stone’s through from our house. Literally. So me buying cigarettes was not something I had to consider a roadblock to smoking.
I smoked with a classmate in the cemetery. I smoked with a friend at the little water station just on the edge of town. I’ve smoked in our house, and in my car. I’ve smoked inside restaurants, gas stations, and taverns.
I’ve also quit smoking many times. I quit for a few days, I quit for three months, and I quit for 5 years. I have a lot of quitting under my belt – a hundred times, maybe not. Definitely dozens of times.
Not gonna pick up another cigarette again, I said. But quitting leaves me fearful, excited, and despondent. Sometimes all at the same time.
As much as I hate smoking, I love to smoke. I love the ritual, the social aspect, the feel of the drag, the smoking being suctioned into my lungs, the cloud afterwards. The tingling of my skin and hair. The “back to normal” feeling of being flooded with nicotine and all of its chemicals. Smoking with coffee. Smoking before and after a meal.
I also love that it allows me to escape a situation – can’t stick around, I have to go outside to smoke.
But. I hate the smell on me, most of all. I have asthma, so that’s a great big reason to quit. Stairs leave me breathless. The cost of a pack of cigarettes is INSANE.
The cigarette companies – they’re like, yeah, these suckers are going to keep paying the gouging price for one pack of 20 cigarettes, let alone purchasing by the carton, too. Day after day, week after week, month after month we are feeding and bleeding nicotine and we can’t stop!
I remember when cigarettes went up to 75 cents. My mom complained, but gave me the three quarters to run down and get her a pack, anyway.
My gramma and grampa quit at some point when I was a youngster. My mom quit – and has remained quit – for a good 7 years by now. If she can quit, anyone can quit.
Not me so much. But I hope to put all of that in the past.
Today I am on Day 30 of quitting smoking. I still have cravings – maybe 2 per day – that are bad enough to where I really consider just smoking. I’m gonna smoke in the end, anyway, I tell myself.
I hope not. Because I have a different mindset this time around.
There is lung cancer and breast cancer in my family. I am closing in on 50, and my risk of getting cancer is increasing, not even considering my family history. My risk is much more so if I continue to smoke.
I have to do this and I can’t fail. I am doing this for my health, for real. When my cravings come on, I think of the multiple bouts of bronchitis I’ve experienced and think of how much better I am breathing right now. I think of my risk of bad things happening to my body if I keep smoking.
I am not immortal. I’ve come to this realization. Not just as a passing thought, but as a continuous concern for my life.
Congratulations to me. Day 30. That is a great step forward.
Do you have a quitting smoking story? I would love to hear it!
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